Drugs

Im in total state of intoxication!! My mind is slow, my movements are alien to be me and my body needs to be stretched even though it feels numb. my eyes have decided to become chines and i feel like im melting into oblivion!!! soon i will pass out forgetting all of today and i will go to a dreamless sleep which will be the closest thing to death. This is a mere facade of what it feels like when you take drugs. Todays choice was a prescription pill from a friend so hence i have no clue what i took. This is my escape canal. it is a temporary escape but sometimes as an addict you just need a quick get away to be able to face life the next day and yes you might get the urge that day as well but hopefully you have mere moment of strength so that you can face life sober even if it means hiding in your room and numbing your brain with the useless brainwash of tv!!! but for the days of delusional death this is the next best thing... to just die for few hours and wake up with the new hope that it might just be a better day today!!!! and if its not you can just face reality that your life sucks or you can just take another magic pill :) Ahhh thank god for the pharmaceutical companies and their vast variety of mind numbing candy :) and the best part is they are the legal drug dealers of the world.. See the low grade drug lords of the world need to change their strategy- why sell lil bags of coke and E and all other bullshit stuff , living your life in fear, never trusting anyone, worrying about smuggling your goods, when you can damn easily work with the government (instead of against) and get involved with pharmaceutical company or better yet start your own and put your surplus of coke and whatever else into some new wonder drug that will cure some new unknown disease and BAM! your a legal businessman doing the same kind of business but now you have the respect of the government, doctors and so on... Well thats what i would do if i was a drug lord!!!!

Addiction

Lets get into my whole little drug thing. They say addiction is a chemical imbalance in the brain, but I disagree. Shall I explain?

Imagine waking up every morning, with the sun shining in your room, the birds are singing, and you feel like everything is gonna be better than fine. Like the way you feel when you are having a great day and you think you can do anything and there are no obstacles, no stress, no sadness... You smile for no other reason, than that you are actually truly happy. Try to remember how as a child, how excited you would get when you got presents, and how happy you were playing, how a simple thing as a box opened up all sort of possibilities of being anything from a spaceship to a car...

Now what if you can feel like that every day. Would you want anything else? Would you want to wake up to rain and cold and you feeling like blah! Or waking up and the first thing that pops in your crammed brain is your To Do List for the day or your work crap that you didn't finish the day before. NO you wouldn't. If you could you would spend the rest of your drab life trying to wake up with a smile and the feeling of utter happiness. And that feeling is the addiction. The urge to feel that, not the drug – but the natural desire as humans to be happy. In Utopia. We need that to survive in this hectic mad world and we will stop at nothing to feel like that. It is our God given right to smile every moment and sing and dance and enjoy being alive. Now ask yourself what would you do to have that? Still think you can't become an addict???

Bio

        BIO

So here is a little bio on me:

Well let's just say when the ALL MIGHTY GODS were putting me together they weren't all together themselves. After all it was the 70s. I mean they were REALLY having a ball with me. Trying to see how far they could go – how fucked up they could make me.

It went something like this: It was a nice cold Feb. day. The Gods, all sitting in their cozy clouds, smoking from their delicate designed pipes ( brought over by the deities of Egypt ), laughing, drinking their delicious wines – when they decided to create a being just for fun. As they gather my delicate pure atoms together, they add and subtract some.

God #1 “ I know,lets make her a lesbian, but she will be born into an old fashioned Persian family.”

God #2 “ Let's make her an artist. She will be into all kinds of arts, so naturally she will be lost and confused with no direction.”

Goddess #1 ( while laughing uncontrollably ) - “Lets make her a lipstick lesbian that can only be pleased by penetration of a strap on, therefore at times she will have to swing over.”

They all loved that one.

Cupid “Therefore in the matter of the heart she will never be full filled.”

God #1 “ Oh I have a good one – lets put a soul of an old drag queen in her, so that” , crying with laughter. “... so that she will be a drag queen trapped in a lesbian body.”

Isis “ Imagine the years of therapy for that one.”

Zeus “ Lets make her athletic but no drive or competitiveness.”

God #2 “ Should we make a manic depressive or do you think it will come naturally.”

They all took a mere second to decide that one. And guess what they chose?!

Goddess #1 “ Now for the physical features – she will be scrawny.”

God #1 “ With BIG breasts.”

Zeus “ No BIG butt.”

I think this was the only time they argued. It went on for about half an hour, before deciding on tits and no ass.

Aphrodite “And as a typical Mediterranean woman, she will be hairy...” That BITCH!

Aphrodite “..so basically she will have no self confidence, and very self conscious about her image and body.”

Bacchus, waking up from a drunken stupor - “An artist without any true talent.” He HAD to put his 2 cents in...

God #1 “Good one! Did we cover everything. Oh yeah, family. So we all agree on an unstable old fashioned family. Now bring it up a notch – Bi polar mother, and a womanizing father.”

Isis “Do we have a couple like that?”

And so I was conceived as a dick loving, manic depressive, no talent, unmotivated, unlucky,BDD,ADD, STD (not yet at least), average intelligence, druggie lesbian..

So still think your life is bad. OH did I mention my parents are old fashioned Middle Eastern, anti gay and strict.

About me

 The Beginning

August 4^th, 2003

I have realized if you joke about crack enough times people don't actually believe you do it. I mean if you are constantly making references like “God I'm such a crack head” or “I'm so tired, I need my daily dose of crack!” And as you laugh with your friends with these witty remarks; little do they know that in fact you are a crack head and you do need it. I mean no self respecting crack addict would ever admit that they are a crack addict. So since I try not to lie, my only way of denying my addiction and hiding it from my friends is through jokes and sarcasm.

No this is not another book about how I overcame my addiction ( in fact I still quite enjoy my daily dose of cracky ), how I hit rock bottom then rebounded myself back up with willpower and determination.... Nope, this is just me thinking what a great opening the top line would be for a book ( as I was sitting in the can of course )... So here I am writing random thoughts or what nots... I do assure you my life is filled with drama, and twist and turns and because I'm a nice person ( or just maybe doped out ) I'm gonna let you into my little crazy, beautiful world...